Lombardi Signs With Law Firm of Cracknell and Van Der Gulik
Remember when July 1st we were all so filled with hope? Wasn’t this year just fun to watch knowing the Kings didn’t need anything?
Mike Futa: “So, Dean, who are we going after this year? Michalek?”
Lombardi: “Did you know Michalek is an anagram for Clam Hike?”
Mike Futa: “Be serious, Dean. Are we going after IGINLA?”
Lombardi: “He doesn’t want to play for anyone named Daryl. Or Sutter.”
Mike Futa: “Okay… we’re losing Mitchell, so were going after Ehrhof?”
Lombardi: “Ehrhof? Isn’t he that creepy little guy who is friends with Gandalf?”
Mike Futa: “Wait! We’re re-signing Mitchell?”
Lombardi: “Nah, he wants to pump Cuban women in Miami.”
Mike Futa: “I do too, but what’s that got to do with adding to our roster?”
Lombardi: “We’re signing Adam Cracknell and David Van Der Gulik”
Mike Futa: “We signed a crackhead named Van Der Sloot? Didn’t he murder that girl in Aruba?”
Lombardi: “No, no. Remember Cracknell, who kept pounding his body into all of our players during the last 2 playoffs? He gave our boys owies. I didn’t want him doing that anymore, so I signed him. He’s like a refrigerator on skates.”
Mike Futa: “So what’s a Van Der Gulik? A character from a Tarantino movie?”
Lombardi: “Don’t you remember him from Colorado? He’s the kind of guy you can go to the bathroom, come back, and he’s done nothing.”
Mike Futa: “Don’t we already have that in Trevor Lewis?”
Lombardi: “It’s Manchester depth, Mike.
I like Adam Cracknell. He’s like John Zeiler or Eric Lacroix. Can skate a little but hits everything in sight and is a pain in the ass. He’s an upgrade over Nolan, but he doesn’t fight like Jordan (whom I suspect will be reunited with his dad in a matter of days since Buffalo actually now has some players to actually protect) and I have a feeling Kyle Clifford will have a new address pretty soon.
Oh, and Eddie Munster informed us that Cracknell was drafted by Calgary… but Daryl Sutter.
As far as Van Helsing is concerned, I didn’t even know he existed. He scores a lot in the minors, not so much in the majors. Good Manchester depth for their new coach and will be a mentor to the kids because he is “the right fit.”
Speaking of new coaches in Manchester, looks like Rob Blake has decided on yet ANOTHER Flyers castoff. Only this time the coach is coming off of TWO straight seasons where he missed the playoffs, had a 48-78 record and has only won something ONCE in his career as an assistant coach in the MINORS. Now, I’ve got to trust Mike Futa here and Jar-Jar Binks says the players “respect” him… I mean, after all, Jamie Kompon never did shit either until he got here.
Willie Mitchell gets 8.25 million for 2 years from Florida… with no State tax.
Remember how Lombardi didn’t want to re-sign Scuderi and he got a 4 year deal out of Pittsburgh, then got hurt and did nothing in the playoffs because he was old and worn out?
Have fun Willie. You were great here.
But this also means Dean Lombardi will be looking for another cheap D-veteran. Please, for the love of God, not Scott Hannan!
It’s July 1st – Why Hasn’t Alec Martinez been signed to an extension already?
Chicago didn’t get Spezza. Chicago didn’t get Stastny. They got Brad Richards who couldn’t hold his own against the Kings playing on the 4th line against Trevor Lewis and Mike Richards. He’s even worse than Michael Handzus.
Dallas got a whole lot better.
Answer me this: Who is playing goalie for the Blues?
So San Jose gets rid of Boyle AND Stuart and replaces them with…. ???
Anaheim got a great kid in Stoner to go along with all of their other great kids. There’s just one problem. Bruce Boudreau SUCKS in the post season. He’s the Gene Mauch of NHL coaches.
Nobody signed Dustin Penner? I’m SHOCKED [/sarcasm]
The Matt Frattin circle is complete! He was traded to the Kings for Jonathan Bernier. Bernier was great and Frattin sucked. Lombardi held on to him too long and kept forcing Sutter to put him in the lineup. Finally he was a permanent fixture in the press box. Frattin was then pawned off on Columbus where he lasted exactly ONE game before becoming a permanent fixture in the Blue Jackets Press Box.
Today, he’s jettisoned back to Toronto, where he re-signs for 800,000 bucks and is expected to be their 3rd line winger. No wonder the Maple Leafs suck.
Jonas Hiller after signing with Calgary: ”It’s something new, coming a city where people are really about hockey, not like California where they just care … it’s a thing to go to at the moment.” – ZING!!!
Andrew Campbell signs in Arizona. After years and years and years of Lombardi telling us how great he is, and being Captain for 3 years in Manchester, Lombardi suddenly had no interest in him. Good kid. I hope he comes back and haunts Lombardi.
You know what was really great today? Nobody wanted to sign with the Red Wings!
Did I read that right? Bobby Bonilla is STILL being paid by the Mets?
Speaking of haunting Lombardi, Ellerby? Nobody signed him. Loktionov? Nobody signed him either. Colin Fraser has THREE Stanley Cups and NOBODY wanted him? There are 13 other CURRENT UFA’s After today who once played for the Kings. Can You Name them (without cheating? Ryan Smyth doesn’t count as he’s retired)
Let’s Review: Stastny 7 mil, Vanek 6.5 mil, Callahan 5.8 mil, Bolland 5.5 mil, Iginla 5.3 mil, Moulson/Cammaleri 5 mil, GABORIK 4.85 MIL!!!
Dear TSN: WAKE THE FUCK UP!!!
Not only is Trevor Lewis NOT a free agent, they signed Jeff Schultz YESTERDAY, traded Linden Vey DAYS ago and didn’t qualify Quailer or Parker.
Then of course, there’s my favorites…
Answer: Olli Jokinen – George Parros – Michal Handzus – Dan Carcillo – Kevin Westgarth – Dave Steckel – Joe Piskula – Jeff Halpern – Brandon Segal – Jerred Smithson – Joe Corvo – Denis Grebeshkov – Tim Gleason