Merry Christmas… Now What?
Ben Scrivens/Martin Jones/Dwight King/Jake Muzzin
Martin Jones looked worse than Roman Cechmanek during training camp and he got Matt Barry’s, George “He’ll Never Play in the NHL” Parros award. Well folks, this is why I’m a low paid blogger… wait, I don’t get PAID… Ben Scrivens did a dandy job filling in while Quick was injured but lets ALL be grateful for Jones as the alternatives would have been pretty scary. (i.e. LaBarbera, the aforementioned Garon). By the way, “dandy” and “Scrivens” seem to go hand in hand, don’t they? Doesn’t he look like the kind of guy who uses Grey Poupon?
Dwight King was labeled the best left winger by coach Sutter and even though he treats the media like they’re a group of children who bang their heads against padded walls all day, he seems to be a pretty smart guy. 10 goals already. If fans were to get 20 goals out of King, we would all be dancing to a Barry Gibb song.
Muzzin has stopped taking his daily stupid penalties and has decided to become a much better defenseman. He’s been abusing opponents with body checks and scoring a few goals as well.
Dustin Brown/Kyle Clifford
What happened to El Capitan? Oh, RIGHT! He signed a fat contract, wife popped out another creature and Dustin turned into a Strat-o-Matic version of a hockey player. He went a month before even connecting with another body and rarely used his purse. 2 goals and 1 assist in the entire month of November was worse than the likes of Zemgus Girgensons.
3 goals and 2 assists in 29 games for Clifford? Looks like one too many unfortunate punches in the head. Such hope for Cliffy. He’s been pretty brutal all season and will likely wind up in the press box, if he can find it.
I can’t say Trevor Lewis because Kings fans know he’s simply Craig Johnson is disguise. Shhhhh.
BIGGEST MANLY AWARD:
Willie Mitchell and Robyn Regehr
Coming off of major knee surgery there was no doubt in my mind Mitchell would play a few games, fall down like a Weeble and collect a check. He’s played damn near every game including back-to-backs. The man has been bigger than Rocco Siffredi.
Robyn Regehr started the season off slower than a constipated grandmother but has been rock solid in replacing Rob Scuderi.
BIGGEST NON ENTITY AWARD:
The 4th Line
They’ve produced jack shit. Dan Carcillo has been a decent “spark” but 1 goal and 1 assist in 26 games? At least he had TWO goals for Chicago last year in 23 games. Colin Fraser continues to baffle me. He doesn’t win any of his fights, he doesn’t score and the ONLY thing he does well is win face-offs (55.3%), which is probably why he’s still with the club and Linden Vey (46.3%) is back in Manchester.
BIGGEST PLAYER TO FINALLY EARN HIS PAYCHECK AWARD
Maybe he feels bad for going comatose during the playoffs last season. Maybe he looked at his bank account and then at his numbers vs others who make the same bank as he does. Maybe he just went to Tony Robbins? 11 goals and 20 points after 38 games is exactly what we expect of Kopitar, unlike last season when Anze TOTALED 10 goals all season.
So Merry Christmas, and don’t tell your kid Santa doesn’t exist because even though you’re teaching them all about lying, (which is basically how everyone gets through life in the millennium), it still leaves them with an imagination.
And teach your child to be politically correct and not to have an opinion, otherwise they’ll be fired from their job and chastised in the press for invoking their 1st amendment rights which many have given their lives to protect. And be careful what you say in blogs because people will “Tweet” and “Facebook” what you say and there will be death threats against you because at least in this country we still have the right to bear AK-47’s.
Merry Christmas everyone! Or Kwanza… or Eid or Yule or…