My Predictions – A Look Back
1) WASHINGTON – Adam Oates looks like he wears eyeliner but he coaches a guy named Ovechkin.
LOOKS LOKE OVECHKIN SHOULD HAVE BEEN WEARING THE EYELINER – PROBABLY THE MOST DISAPPOINTING TEAM OF THE YEAR, NEXT TO THE CANUCKS OF COURSE
2) BOSTON – Let’s see: They acquire Eriksson who won’t drink a keg of Sam Adams for lunch AND they added Iginla. That’s about as solid as my wife’s stare when I come home at midnight with lipstick on my collar.
SO THEY FINISHED FIRST, SUE ME. I WAS CLOSE
3) PITTSBURGH – Fleury can’t stop a ducks feathers after it was hit by a truck. But former King Dan Bylsma will simply spinkle them with his magic fairy dust and despite the future injury to Sid the Bitch, they’ll still win.
FAIRY DUST IT WAS AND EVEN SID THE M*A*S*H* UNIT REMAINED HEALTHY
4) DETROIT – it was tough being in the west. Playing Buffalo and Florida and New Jersey, the healthy Red Wings, with Weiss and Alfredsson are going to yawn their way into the playoffs.
NOT QUITE THE YAWN I EXPECTED BUT THEY MADE IT
5) OTTAWA – when healthy, they’re as dangerous as a crack pipe in Lamar Odom’s hands.
UNFORTUNATELY THEY PLAYED LIKE LAMAR ODOM – MISSED THE BOAT ON THIS ONE
6) PHILADELPHIA – here’s what’s going to happen. They’ll start slow, Laviolette will FINALLY be put down like a central park carriage horse and Terry Murray, yes, THAT Terry Murray will take over, spray paint dots on the ice and have the Flyers actually playing defensive hockey. They’ll be the best 2nd half team in the NHL.
I GOT THE “START SLOW” PART RIGHT BUT THE COACH WRONG – DO I GET HALF A POINT AT LEAST AND A BONUS POINT FOR CORRECTLY PEGGING THEM SIXTH?
7) TORONTO – Everyone bags on the Maple Leafs like a drunk Asian dude, them but I say Bernier > Scrivens and his will to be #1 will propel them to a playoff spot. Adding Clarkson didn’t hurt either and when he does return, that locker room will be tighter than a wedding night virgin.
BOOB OF THE YEAR FOR ME FOR THIS PREDICTION
8) MONTREAL – experts are saying they won’t make the playoffs. I said they wouldn’t last year and they did, so this year I’ll say they make it and hope they don’t because I hate them.
WELL, THEY DID, SO I KIND OF GET TO BE RIGHT.
9) TAMPA BAY – There’s still a team there? They have to rely on Teddy Purcell?
10) RANGERS – I think they’re about as big a fraud as Bernie Madoff, but they still have talent and a pretty good coach.
THAT PRETTY GOOD COACH WILLED THEM INTO THE POST SEASON
11) ISLANDERS – With the addition of the Red Wings, this leaves no room for the Isles whose goaltending is as suspect as Obamacare.
AND THAT TURNED OUT TO BE THE CASE
12) COLUMBUS – They were tied with Minnesota for the last playoff spot but lost on tie-breakers. The East won’t be easy and Jack Johnson will be -70.
I’M ACTUALLY QUITE HAPPY FOR COLUMBUS
13) CAROLINA – They’re as messy as the pudding in my kids diaper.
CORRECTLY PREDICTED 13TH – YAY FOR ME!
14) NEW JERSEY – Without Clarkson and Kovalchuk, I’m rooting for them to have the worst record in the league so they CAN’T draft #1.
OF COURSE THEY CHANGED THAT RULE MID-SEASON AND ITS FANTASTIC THAT THEY STILL HAVE A SHITTY PICK
15) FLORIDA – I can’t wait to see Thomas get lit up like a bon fire.
CORRECT 15TH SPOT PREDICTION (NOT THAT IT WAS HARD)
16) BUFFALO – with the first pick in the draft…
THAT WOULD BE A “BINGO?”
1) ST LOUIS – They have THREE solid goaltenders. They added Derek Roy and Magnus Pajaarvi and have a whole season of Jay Bouwmeester and for me their defense is the best in the league.
I DIDN’T PUT THAT THEY’D FLOP LIKE A SEDIN DOWN THE STRETCH, BUT I WAS CLOSE
2) SAN JOSE – This Has to be their year. They didn’t fire their coach (again), Jumbo Joe, Patrick Marleau and Dan Boyle are ALL free agents after the season so all THREE are playing for contracts. They came CLOSE against the Kings and a healthy Martin Havlat puts them over the top.
THEY BEAT THE KINGS, AGAIN, IN THE STANDINGS, SO I’LL TAKE CREDIT FOR CORRECTLY PREDICTING THIS ONE
3) CHICAGO – How many games did they not lose in a row? Okay, so there MAY be some SC hangover, but not much. They have Jamie Kompon! They lost Bolland (overrated) Stalberg (disappointing) and Emery (bench warmer) so it isn’t like the last time they won the cup where everyone was fleeing like roaches after the light was turned on. They’re primed for a solid season. Just like the Kings LAST year after bringing everyone back.
PRETTY GOOD AGAIN, MR. BARRY
4) MINNESOTA – I love their youth. Nino Neiterreiter, Charlie Coyle, Jason Zucker. They added depth on the blueline with Blum and Ballard and if Dany Heatley is healthy, this team is going to score goals. They will be the “surprise” of the NHL this season.
I DON’T KNOW IF THEY WERE THE “SURPRISE” BUT THEY CERTAINLY EARED A TRIP TO THE PLAYOFFS. THEIR COACHING LEAVES SOMETHING TO BE DESIRED HOWEVER
5) VANCOUVER – Just because they have a new coach doesn’t mean they’re going to start sucking. Once the defenders start blocking shots the way Tortorella’s Rangers did, Roberto Luongo is going to look like the 2nd coming of Dominik Hasek. Plus they have Brad Richardson. And stupid fans who paint their faces.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW HAPPY I AM THAT I WAS WRONG, DEAD WRONG ABOUT THIS ONE
6) NASHVILLE – They were devastated by injury last season and were STILL competitive. They have, arguably, one of the top 3 coaches in the league, a great goaltender and great defense, and who doesn’t just LOVE country music!
A HURT GOALTENDER SQUASHED ANY CHANCE – LOVE BARRY TROTZ THOUGH
7) KINGS -They’ll do what they always do. Tease us with a 4th place finish and then choke like your Vegas hooker down the stretch and play .500 the last 8 or 10 games. WHY SHOULD THIS YEAR BE ANY DIFFERENT?
OKAY, SO THEY’RE GETTING BETTER AT CLOSING OUT THE SEASON. I SAID THEY’D FINISH 7TH, THEY FINISHED 6TH. ONCE AGAIN, I’M PRETTY FRICKEN CLOSE AT PREDICTING WHERE THE KINGS FINISH
8) EDMONTON – they’ll start slow, but much like Washington last year, they’ll come on strong in the end and secure that last playoff spot. They’re just too fricken talented. Adding David Perron and Andrew Ference were huge additions and getting Grebeshkov back also helps. Nail does in HIS 2nd season what Stamkos and Tavares did in theirs. Look out.
THEY STARTED SLOW, GOT SLOWER, THEN WERE LIKE A SNAIL ON QUAALUDES
9) DALLAS – Honestly, I thought they would suck. But Lindy Ruff is a good coach and despite Tyler Seguin acting like Jesse Pinkman off the ice, he’s still loaded with talent. In the end, they won’t have enough, but I think they surprise some people, myself included.
THEY DID SURPRISE. HOPE THEY CAN SURPRISE SOME MORE – LINDY RUFF FOLKS
10) DUCKS – No.
11) PHOENIX – I love Dave Tippet, and he knows how to get the most out of his players, but what players does he have? Doan is older than dirt, and Mike Ribiero doesn’t care.
MIKE RIBIERO DIDN’T CARE AND THE YOTES LOST 7 OUT OF THEIR LAST 8 GAMES
12) WINNIPEG – Adding Devin Setogucci helps but they lost Burmistrov, Antropov, and Hainseypov. Sorry, but this team is a mess.
13) COLORADO – I don’t care if Patty Roy is their coach. Unless they’re playing the Kings every day, they’re gonna get rolled over. Too many rookies (with a lot of talent) and absolutely no defense.
I’M NOT THE ONLY ONE WHO MISSED THIS BY A MILE OR SEVEN.
14) CALGARY – please.
OKAY, SO I GET ANOTHER ONE RIGHT
Former Monarch and 32 year old rookie got into his first NHL fight… against JOHN SCOTT???? Are you INSANE?
TKO for Johnson!!!!!