You Cannot Be Serious!
John McEnroe uttered those famous words and today those words are happily resurrected.
Because today was the first day season ticket holders were able to purchase tickets for the outdoor game at Dodger Stadium, where I’m expecting it to be a) hot or b) rain or c) rioting. This one just smells of “Hire Lindsay Lohan for your Movie” disaster.
I received my notice and was one of the fortunate ones to have an early Monday time, 2pm
So at 2:00:01 I logged on to my Ticketmaster account and placed my order.
I haven’t been this shocked since the episode of “Homeland” when they blew up 3 of the main characters. (Sorry for being a spoiler if you haven’t watched – would you like me to spoil “Breaking Bad” for you, too?)
279.00 for some good seats
90.00 for some shitty seats
Ninety bucks, for the right to RENT a seat at Dodger Stadium where you’ll be so low you can’t see anything so you have to watch the game on the jumbotron. NINETY BUCKS! How about you just bang your head against the wall and mail me the 90. Wouldn’t that be the same thing?
Here are some of the things you could by with 90 bucks and watch the damn game on TV where at least you’ll be able to SEE something.
- 90 lottery tickets (you won’t win shit, but at least there’s a chance, right?)
- 9 cocktails spread out over 3 trips to your local bar (tip included)
- a blowjob from a reformed crackhead on Hollywood Boulevard (you could get 2 if she’s a current crack head)
- a tank of gas where you could drive to the Cabazon outlet stores, pick up 2 pairs of sneakers and an imitation snakeskin wallet, and drive back.
- Subscriptions to Playboy, Penthouse AND a blow up doll!
- a 3 month gym membership to get your fat ass in shape (oh, sorry, that was supposed to be just for me)
- 90 things at the 99 cent store
- a bottle of Lovely by Sarah Jessica Parker
- 112.50 worth of stuff from Bed Bath and Beyond and if you use their 20% off coupon, it’s 90 bucks! That’s a pillow, a towel and bedsheets for all of you single dudes!
- Glenfarclas 17 year – ’nuff said
- 36 bags of Dorito’s currently on sale 2 for 5 bucks at Ralphs (or 18 bags and some medicinal koosh)
- I could go on and on but I’ll leave it to YOUR imaginations what to do with 90 bucks… oh, and that does NOT include the 10 dollar mailing fee of the 18 dollar ticketmester “convenience” charge.
Paulina’s getting married – to some golfer – I’m taking odds:
Lasts one year – 5-1
Lasts 2 years – 30-1
Lasts 3 years – 150-1
Lasts over 3 years – are you kidding?